Mark suffered from severe Crohn's disease and lived with varying levels of pain for his adult life (he would have been 36 in August). My older sister also has Crohn's, but has a much more manageable case using diet and first-tier drug therapies to stay healthy.
It has been such a long battle that I've had to compartmentalize my worry and sadness over Mark's situation for the last 10-15 years to cope. I went to back to work this week and I automatically went into coping mode only to wake up today with too much time to think and the sadness is creeping up on me again. It's for the best, really — I was getting a stomach ache holding it in and felt incredibly disconnected. Crying can be good for you.
B and I were pretty much with him at the end. I say "pretty much" because we left the room for a couple of minutes for the nurses to attend to him and he "slipped out" the door right after us.
We don't have any pictures of Mark from the last 10 years or so (he refused to have his pic taken as his condition deteriorated), but we got a great shot of him in University from one of his friends.
Mark was an incredible athlete. He had a black belt (sash) in Win Chung Kung Fu and also studied Wushu (think Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan). He had plans to go to stunt school in the States and had even put a deposit down when he was more or less healthy. His health didn't improve so he didn't end up going.
He made a little video for his stunt school application that I debated uploading to this post, but I'm not sure I want to have it on the internet for all of eternity so I think I'll keep it to myself for a while at least. It's frickin' amazing by my standards.
Mark was a super funny guy who genuinely cared about others and over the years he became my best friend.
I've learned from Mark:
1. If you find something difficult physically and want to quit, remember that there is someone out there who would give anything to do the same thing and can’t. Use them for motivation.
2. Having fun is incredibly important.
3. Find your passion and make it your life no matter how ridiculous it seems to other people.
It is a privilege to have this blog and cathartic to be able to share bits of my life. Thanks for listening.
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your brother's death. This has to have been such a tough journey for you, but it's clear that you were a great sister through it all. How wonderful that you have those pictures that captured his personality and spirit to remember him by. He looks like such a nice person and a joy to know. I lost my husband at a young age, and I've found that the pictures of him goofing with our (then) little boy or looking intentionally droll for the camera are my favorites. I put some near my front door, so that the first thing I see whenever I come home is him smiling at me. It definitely helps. Frame some that make you smile and remind you of good times, and keep the rest safe for posterity (including backup in a second location if they are electronic -- and they will bring you incredible joy and comfort forever. God bless.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this news, Erin. Peace to you and your family. And thank you for the reminder to have fun--it is important! Enjoy every day.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss, you're right that a good cry is needed to let it out every now and then for as long as you need. You've articulated some great life lessons for the rest of us to follow. Take care xx
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say, I'm sorry don't seem to cut it. If it makes you feel better, please accept a virtual hug from across the ocean. His force will be with you always!
ReplyDeleteI am at a loss for words, but want to encourage you to move forward, your brother's light and lessons will be with you always....my condolences to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was magic words I could say that would take away your pain, leaving only the wonderful memories of Mark. There are no magic words. Time will help. Take care of yourself. ♥♥♥
ReplyDeleteThat's very sad news. I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. How terrible to lose your brother.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. Writing (and crying) is very cathartic. I'm glad you posted the three things you've learned from Mark. It created clarity for me.
ReplyDeleteim so so sorry to hear :( you've commemorated your brother well by sharing this, he looks like he was a really vivacious character. take care xx
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I wish you courage on your difficult journey. Take time to grieve when you need to, as it feels like a piece of you is missing. My brother passed away when we were both teenagers and I still feel the pain, although it is easier to look back now and remember the fun times we had together.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss. I hope you can take the time to grieve in your own time and continue to remember him and his great zest for fun. Hugs to you all.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for you loss and admire your strength. Thank you for sharing, pain shared is easier to carry.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sorry for your loss... Thanks for sharing with us, and thank you especially for sharing these life lessons.
ReplyDeleteErin, mom here...just read this beautifully written entry and the tears are flowing. Thanks for taking me down memory lane once again. I have been hestitant to enter similar info on my blog but will now. Thanks for giving me the courage. Mark was an awesome son and brother. We miss him every day.
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